I went

Today, I went skiing.  I have been waiting for the perfect day... but realized there wouldn't be one.  I just needed to go.  So this morning, Mitchell, my brother, said, "Let's go!", and I went.  The sky was grey (just like my jacket) and the snow was used, but it was just what I needed.  A quiet environment with Mitch who just wanted a couple runs.  Simplicity.  I stood at the top and wondered what would happen when I started to feel momentum for the first time in one year.  I knew how to click in my bindings, I knew how to skate to the lift, but making that first turn was genuinely nerve-racking.  The first run was ugly.  I was stiff, scared and exhausted at the bottom.  The second run was just me and the snow and I finally felt in control of my future.  As I was getting ready, I told Mitch that none if it felt strange.  Ironically, that's what felt strange... the comfort.  On a sidenote, instead of using the word comfort, I wanted to say content, or contentness.  I looked it up on thesaurus.com and one of the options was "fat dumb and happy".  I feel a little fat from last night's dinner and I feel happy, but not dumb.  It didn't fit.

Last night's dinner was incredible.  I hosted my first Christmas party ever with 14 guests so close to my heart.  Each person invited played a major role in my recovery and what better time of year to thank them than Christmas.  It was so important to me that I show, via food and wine, how appreciative I am.  Thank you with my whole heart.  I could've filled a concert hall with everyone that deserves a thank you dinner.  You know who you are.