Lost and Found

January 1st, 2010.. I don't remember feeling very peaceful.  But then again I don't remember much.


Clearly feeling better on January 10th, 2010... 


and better still, on February 20th, 2010, trying out my ski boots.




There was a time when I was lost.  I was laying there like a baby in my hospital bed for 48 hours thinking only as far as my next meal.. and that I didn't want it.  In the beginning, I heard everything everyone was saying, "...you'll be fine" "I've had that before, it's no biggie" and the famous "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".  I had mixed feelings about those comments.  Firstly, I was always well aware that I'd be fine, but that word sucks.  Who says, "I'm fine" and actually means it?  I've lived my whole life better than fine, why stop now?  As for the 'no biggie', I'm also aware that it can always be worse.  But I allowed myself to mourn anyway.  But I do believe all this has made me stronger.  Ironically, I feel stronger because I'm more at ease with being weak.  I feel stronger because I am ok with having questions I don't know the answers to.  I feel stronger because I may not have much of a quad, but I have an invaluable perspective that I will be adding to my toolkit.